Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I make no promises...

I am not a good blogger. I am a bad blogger. I make no promises that this will change, but here is what I've had stored in my posts since March:

I would focus on the most important new transition in my life: motherhood.

I've explained this transformation to a few friends as starting a new job. A job that I didn't know I would be good at, not sure if I'm qualified for and comes with a very demanding boss. Said boss started out as a 6 lb 14 oz bundle of cuteness and has grown to the 10 lb center of my world. She is wonderful and scary all at the same time. Seriously scary. I was afraid to be alone in the house with her for the first two weeks of her life. I almost bawled when A had to go back to work because I was terrified of being the single caregiver for a whole 8 hours. Thankfully my mom lives near by, who will from here on be referred to as Lita, which is short for "Abuelita" the spanish word for "grandma".

When I start a new job, I need lots and lots of affirmation. I like to be told I'm doing a good job, and that gives me the confidence and motivation to work hard. Well a baby can't really provide that for you considering they don't even know where their hand is. But on top of that, they don't talk, smile, make eye contact-- nothing for the first few weeks. So, I had to rely on A and Lita for my encouragement and feedback. One piece of advice I will now give to soon-to-be fathers, kiss your wife's behind during those first few weeks. Remind her what an amazing woman she is, tell her what an incredible job she is doing, and make her feel special. She is going to need this from you, her co-worker, constantly. I have to give A credit, because he was A-MAZING at making me feel like I wasn't a bad hire. He showered me with support in the way of compliments, affection, and making sure that I had plenty of time for myself. And, he is an excellent baby soother and diaper changer on top of all that.

After he went back to work at his other job, Lita stepped in and was by my side constantly for the next two weeks. I know. I'm a very lucky girl. Not many new moms have a Lita that lives close by, and is willing to basically live at your house with you while you are an emotional wreck. I couldn't have done it without her. After that second two weeks, she started to ween me little by little until I felt comfortable with Lily, and her crying, and her eating, and her blank stares.

But, about that same time, Lily has started to grow more and more predictable, more and more interactive so that she's no longer as scary as a clown. She has her moments that make me feel like a complete fraud at being a stay-at-home mom (all of which I plan to share with you--ranging from problems with breastfeeding, the first time she screamed hysterically in public, etc, etc) but those became more and more manageable with time, and learned patience and bravery.

And I can say with confidence, I really love what I do. And if I were to receive a 90 day evaluation, I think she would keep me on staff.

I hope to chronicle this journey for me, for Lily, and for anyone who takes the time to read this blog. Not just Lily's milestones, but the emotions and experiences that I want to remember, and some I would rather forget.

Well, "the boss" will be awake from her nap shortly, don't want her to think I'm slacking on the job.



danielle said...

I LOVE this post! and you are a GREAT GREAT GREAT mom! i just wish you lived closer so that our babies could play. how about you move back? love you.

Marisa said...

Thank Dan! I wish we lived to one another too! But, how about you move down here??? :)

Lindsey said...

Beautifully written, Risa! And so very, very true! Motherhood can be a lonely job sometimes, and quite scary, too! Know that you aren't alone, though:) Love you!

Marisa said...

Aw, thanks Linds! Love you too!

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